this might just be about communicating

March 30, 2010 § Leave a comment


This is quite difficult, you guys.

On one hand, I am suffering a terrible case of self-expression. I express myself too much, through my clothes and my nail color and my hair color. But when it comes to speaking and writing, my words are beginning to get confusing, complicated. It is as if I have two voices now, speaking two different languages. Liking two different designers and rooting both for the evil and the good.

I suppose I have finally realized my predicament in terms of being multi cultural. I am writing to you about what I do and wear and eat and fuck, and through the rest of my day, I am speaking in a completely different language, one that can almost be called ”made-up”, and interacting with individuals who have no idea what I sing about in my head, and I am frustrated with the act of trying to express myself to them through my medium, but oh wait, THIS IS MY MEDIUM.

As a writer, though a wannabe one, I suppose I should produce things that relate to people. And the three, or hopefully five, of you who read this shit do get me. You laugh, maybe at my jokes or stupidity, but you contribute, you just fucking get it.

But the rest of the people, who I am almost always surrounded with, have no clue of my internet personality, or my traits as what I am and that upsets me. I mean, it’s not like VOGUE or Esquire UK will ever e-mail me saying, oh I simply love your writing you absolutely MUST write for us. It’s because I don’t live there, I don’t share their day-to-day British life. I fucking live elsewhere, where your neighbours probably listen to your cries and moans at night and smile at your face the next day (though I feel that could be quite common with small neighborhoods) and your hairdresser is your real best friend who can simply understand your mood by the way you describe your ideal hair to them.

The dilemma is, readers, that I live in Wonderland and I am ignoring that I am amongst adults who simply just don’t get it. I’ve had very little interaction with bloggers and tweeters of my new town and country, and that is upsetting. Though most of them get by well using and reading English, naturally, they prefer to express themselves in their own fucking goddamn native language. Big suprise.

So what do I do? Do I add yellow (not blonde) streaks to my hair and walk around pretending I am completely interacting with everyone in my chosen language though I cannot truly interact with anyone through the social media?

And more importantly, have I reached that moment where I can declare myself a Turkish blogger and surrender to pouring out my heart and mind in a language that I still haven’t quite tailored to my fitting?


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