put away that meat you’re selling

May 5, 2010 § 2 Comments

Remember how I ran?

Remember how I declared my freedom and insanity and packed my bags and moved out?

Remember how I braved my soul to a brand new place and tamed it to fight back?

Well, I am going to do it all over again this time. I am getting sick of sitting in a silent space staring at artwork, as if they are mocking me, as if they are saying, ha ha you are stuck sitting around while I am here declaring myself a piece of beauty, pain and bravery.

Fuck no.

I want to dance till my feet hurt again, I want to take classes where I cover myself and my words in paint. I want to be on stage again-whether I would be appreciated or not is another issue, but- I want to give my time and words to this blog and make it yet another piece of art.

When it’s summer and the sun is staring at me, I want to guiltlessly drive away to an unknown location, take my paints and my notebooks and a boy and I want to spend the entire day observing and laughing to bliss.

Isn’t it bullshit that I will never be 23 again? Isn’t it bullshit that my body, though as hard as I may train it, will never be of the same built and strength again? What is the point of postponing all the things you have wanted to do? What is life when you realize most of it passed by while you were sitting in a cold, bright space, making telephone calls and day dreaming of all the things you want to do right now.

As you may have gathered, I have balls. I am moving into a new apartment in a completely different district really soon, and in the end, I will quit my job and just be. Even if it takes me months to figure it out, I don’t give a shit. People, you have GOT to do something about your smile. If you wake up every day and at the end of the day realize you’ve spent a good 11 hours doing absolutely nothing that is worth your future then get the fuck out of the hole and start drawing a new one. Just as you should. Switch from wine to whiskey because it is more exciting, and you will feel the difference in your hangover as you would feel the numbness of your past life. Take more cigarette breaks then pee breaks. Be brave and step outside. Fucking jump around. I don’t know, do whatever you are scared to do and you shall be rewarded. Ignore money and focus on being wonderful instead.

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