May 10, 2010 § 1 Comment
Here I am again debating the importance of putting yourself-or half of yourself- out here on the internet.
It must have started with The Facebook Fiasco, and was followed by my Twitter Threats. This is total BS you guys, but it is happening. I have deleted almost ALL my information on FB. I have given my stalkers one eye candy of a profile picture and not the option to write comments or look at my other profile pictures. I have edited out all of my carefully crafted interest and activities. My profile is basically the most boring thing you shall ever see. And that causes me pain because I remember when FB was more fun and more about stalking and flirting through pokes and messages, little notes on the “walls” and maybe even some bumper stickers. The internet has become too threatening for I.
And that’s only because of what comes out my mouth, or rather what my fingers type. I am obnoxious, inappropriate and lousy. This is a fact. And I am okay with it, until I have been slapped on the face by the cold harsh reality of my whereabouts. Yeah, I am talking about the country, and especailly the city where I live. Despite it’s vastsness I have come to realize that the community itself is quite small. In fact within just weeks of “following” one friend, I noticed at least 10 more people that I personally know “following” me back. Now, I have no problem with admirers. I am obsessed with it. However, what I speak and what they speak is quite different. So different that I have been told things about my tweets that I would rather not hear. But that’s not why I am protecting my entries. Actually, I am protecting myself by protecting my entries. The world is simply not ready for me. Perhaps I will have more reasons to update this blog, and do more things with my life in the real world.
I am very unhappy, I feel that an important part of my life -my existence in the online world- is diminishing. It’s simply become too theatening for me to tweet what I tweet and eat my cake, too. I didn’t expect people to understand my sense of humor or appreciate my musings, but I also didn’t expect being in a position where I have to think twice- or rather five times- before I press send. It’s too fucking hard and annoying.
Remember the times where I would write all sorts of comments without any worries? That was before I got a job and officially call myself a sociable person.
So I either have to, lose my job and my friends but still remain hilariously awesome and a badass-or I have to hide my identity (though it makes me feel like a spy and that is cool) and channel my creative sparks elsewhere.
If you have any ideas, please feel free to suggest. In the meantime I will be crying over my loss of an identitiy in my trenchcoat and sunglesses.