finding your audience

June 21, 2010 § Leave a comment

We live amongst those that, when they pay you a compliment, whether it be true or a lie, we believe it all. We sing to the songs that the crowd follows, walk on the roads they took before us. It’s almost that everyone has lost their identity and are producing ones that they can have faith in.

I have been going to the church every week, though not religious, the experience of absolution is thrilling. It doesn’t quite give me the sense of relief where I can go ahead and sin my sins again, but it heals my heart little by little. It hasn’t helped me find purpose in life yet, but it is clearing the way. Though I am damaging my body with vodka, beer and cigarettes, I am repairing it by yoga and prayer. Though it is opening my eyes to what is the truth of life and people, alcohol is blinding me to the lies and it’s leading me to a path of solitude and recharging (a trail of oxymorons, I know, but good wouldn’t exist without bad, and you wouldn’t know you are over someone’s eyes till you find another pair to stare at).

It’s all good, it really is. I am getting a better understanding of what is going on inside my head, though it is dark and damaging, I am learning to live with it throughout the day, and I am not sitting in a corner sobbing and throwing negative energy to people.

I have explained and confessed my feelings to those around me, starting with myself and I advise you to do the same.

I also advise you to sit on the grass, barefoot and almost naked, under the sun, where it kisses you softly and the wind sings in your ear. As the melodies of strange music fills your mind and you take a deep breath and open your eyes, smile a wide smile for me. Life is good. Enjoy a sip of cold beer. And I shall enjoy my late night cup of tea. Just the way it should be.

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