put the loan right on me

July 21, 2010 § Leave a comment

Despite despising being alive, especially in the morning when there is a clear sign that I am supposed to live through this whole day, without being able to get out of it by making a deal with the devil, I eat my breakfast like an elegant older woman. I drink my tea, eat my tomatoes, toasted bread, cucumbers, oregano and a nice piece of toast. My lunches are dreadful, full of vegetables, yogurt, green, green and white. Then comes dinner, what feeds me is a dinner better than a poor man’s, I take another stab at my cucumber and tomato, perhaps some sort of carbohydrate that will supply me till the next day, and a whole bottle of wine to go with it all. It seems like I’ve played this part, not too long ago. Frankly, I am a bit pissed off that it’s HER turn AGAIN.

My throat, which I thought would give up an explode from smoking the cigarettes that I am oh-so-quitting, hurts only because i am yelling out the most dreadful songs in my iTunes library. The girlfriends I have, who have boyfriends, won’t call me because they are living their own summer fantasy, my girlfriends who don’t have boyfriends have gone off to other lands to fulfill their eyes and souls, and the one friend that I want to call me, the one that has my heart, well, it’s safe to say that we haven’t spoken in over three weeks and I suppose we are all filling our souls with something.

A phone that is waited for will never ring, a job that is most wanted will never be reached. I feel trapped again. Someone, set me free.


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