without my last post being disappointed

March 23, 2011 § Leave a comment

i would like to move on to the events of the previous night, during my yoga class an intense cramp slides up through my arms towards my back and took a comfy space between my shoulderblades. so i lay down, surrender and give into the pain. this was the first time i’ve gotten a serious  cramp situation-since my youth when about during the summer of third grade an unbelievable pain from my crotch area knocked me out or kept me alive and miserable for hours and hours. being very strong against medicine, i remember not taking any pills or receiving treatment but just lying there in pain, until it passed. it wasn’t appendicitis or period pains, which WebMD would strongly disagree with, but rather the forming of some capsules within some areas of the body because i was a malnutritioned child. I can only imagine how fucking ironic it is that i was malnutritioned then and now have been struggling with food and weight issues and constant self judgement in my twenties-supposedly the best years of my life.

i woke up plenty of times at night, screaming from pain and crying from misery, and after surfing my favorite style blogs for three hours, sleep-deprived and in the most awkward bodily positions possible – as the positions that are most comfortable remain the ones that are most awkward for the eye. i again surrendered to medicine and the universe forced me up the hill to the pharmacy where i gave in to a cocktail shot of pain killers and muscle relaxers. needless to say the pain is completely gone now, yet i am looking for ways to get out of the gallery and perhaps spend a lovely afternoon eating food, drinking wine and getting a massage.

on other news, the sights and smells of spring has been crawling into our lives in Istanbul, which i highly disapprove, because spring isn’t that great as what everyone thinks; first off, you can never tell the warmth outside and just as you are fooled and step out in a leather jacket it gets boiling hot and you start sweating and it becomes a mess. it’s not THAT happy of a season, it usually lasts like TWO DAYS, and all those who say spring time is their favorite and that it’s the best ever should refer back to FALL season, where the boots and hats come out and you cozy in with warm drinks and snuggly sweaters, everything gets all the more romantic and life becomes a poem; especially if you live in the New England area of the US of A, where the red leaves take your breath away.

last spring was a mess for me in terms of social status and keeping of a boyfriend, who is now opening his millionth venue, and is accompanied by a girlfriend. as i would rather not live through that again, and do not have a boyfriend by my side so i won’t lose face, the best thing i can do to compete with last spring is remind myself that i am travelling to london soon, that i had just arrived from dubai, that i have fabulous platinum blonde hair (i had red hair last year, and though i will be lying if thoughts of changing the blond hasn’t popped in my head recently) and i am doing pretty okay with what i have got. i know the universe will take care of me, i have given full control to him.

teh transition to spring is always less promising (contrary to all the greek myths, the fertility, the cats’ libidos and the rest) than the transition to fall. i find red leaves more appealing then blossomings that will lead to uncomfortable weather.

 

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