converting ideas to truths

December 24, 2011 § 1 Comment

i like that idea

i liked the idea of having margarine as a replacement for butter

i liked the idea that wearing a navy blue fur coat defeats the purpose of many things “violent”

i liked the idea of having blonde hair for the rest of my life (except for when i want to wear wigs)

i liked the idea of having an intellectual lover

of all the things that i like or have liked, i wonder how many of them i have fought to convert to truths, to my truths?

from the silence in my heart that has been repressed by the things that i have “liked” but never made them to be my “truths”

we often use the word “like” to SUCH an extend that it makes me doubt all truths. i wish for everyone to strive to make more truths, to stop “liking” ideas and manage to make them real life consequences- with real people. i so often read books about how you can basically construct your world to such extent that you are basically creating your own land- then where is my own land with my own truths? not with any things or ideas or places that i rather like, but rather know. know for their truths.

know in my blood that they are real and are sufferings, are consequences and not flaky thoughts or ideas. i want all the truths in my surrealism. i want all the “ideas” that one would interpret in a dream to be an actual fact in my life. this is as if my cry for genuine, truthful relationships and solid, matter-of-fact beliefs. like, the belief that i would be significantly happier if i wasn’t to spend five to six days a week i would rather not like the idea but make it my truth- as it is one. and i don’t want to give into the idea that I can have an intellectual romantic relationship- but I want to know that it exists.

often filled and fueled by melancholy, my delicate soul cannot any more live in a world of simply “liking” ideas and not being able to turn them to truths.

i like the idea that i can live without my phone for an entire day

i like the idea of catching snowflakes with my tounge

i like the idea that i potentially have all the power in the world to do what i want

i like the idea of ideas, being full of ideas yet remaining within distance to all of them

i like the idea of friendships that don’t question or comment but rather exist beautifully with the strength of love and respect

and i am tired of ideas and thoughts and facts and numerals and i’m tired of proofs and documents and e-mails and subtitles and subtitles that you cannot read and hissed messages and secret codes and mysterious words and unknown songs i am tired of those that speak and only insult when they feel insecure and i am tired of having to give answers, to respond to call back to say welcome back to redial, to erase.

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