June 11, 2012 § Leave a comment
what in the world has come over me i am unsure. this is a test for you and i. will you make a decision? are decisions ever easy to make? where is your mind? i told you where my mind was. and is. when i woke up this morning i was in pain. the sunlight coming in my eyes, my body was aching, has been aching, in this unbearable pain of leaving you behind. the agony felt. a stage of withdrawal. a sense of loss. unfoundedness. i don’t know, perhaps it will get better and better each day. perhaps after a while, it will be as if i don’t even know you. i have never even known you. perhaps i will get used to looking at you from far away, having more limited and unstructured conversations. upsides and downsides. here and there. maybe we will run into each other at another opening of some sorts- will it be yours? maybe it could be mine. the first hours are the hardest. and i doubt it will get better than this. any better not likely. for days i will suffer deeply, and you will too probably. draw the curtains, stay inside the blankets- under the sheets. what is the matter with me? there is a terrifying feeling that i might had lost you- or maybe i didn’t. maybe it will take me days and months to get you actually. but you need that don’t you- i suppose i need it too. we all do need time of course, it can’t possibly function in any other way- can you imagine- i certainly cannot. i imagine many things, most of them with you, all of them with you. didn’t imagine that pain would follow us. but i think it does follow you. come to me, come, come, come to me why wouldn’t you. this is simple. it’s a good game. and we can go for it. go for it, they said, you two are completed they yell, one knocks on the other one, i heard them whisper, you two look strangely alike, so tender and young, full of innocence. full of it. strange young love. pure love. wanted love. adventurous love. balanced love. giving love. what a love. what a love. i look in your eyes, your eyes i get lost in. it’s such a pure smile we share, such bliss.