i am absolute…

July 23, 2012 § Leave a comment

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i am absolutely fed up. fed up of you carrying me everywhere you go. i am haunted by every inch of you, shiver at the mention of your name, want to hide under solid earth at the possible sight of you. encountering you gives me pleasure beyond measure but all the while knowing things haven’t moved on or forward and the way things are still as the distance between us grow. i grow farther apart from you at every minute of every hour of you not contacting me. i itch and burn as my soul continues floating its own way and knowing there is a space i had reserved for you which you haven’t made yourself way up to is destroying me at my every step. i cannot fight anymore, i have no tears to shed for you. i am tired of carrying you around me for longer than eight weeks, but the eight weeks that i have spent solemnly waiting for you to reach me and have allowed every position in every medium to be there for you but i have tried to much for too long. there is not enough time and effort left in me to continue the way i am doing and i cannot allow you to enter my mind so often. the parting period will be bitter and painful as it always is, even in fairy tales the tellers have had to live up to their promise. i am declaring a state of forgiveness and abandonment, i am surrounding myself to time and allow love to engulf me within so i won’t have to worry anymore. i have surrendered myself as well as you to a time that will slowly peel the thoughts of you from my head. as you battle your way in your day, i will not be there for you anymore. i will not hold you dear to my heart for you have wounded it. i will not send you photographs of my doings and findings to tear you apart from myself as well. should you see that you simply wake up unhappy and are unable to go about your day as you have, i expect your cries and tries of getting me back into your land. i might have walked away, but given my soft heart and my softer feet i might have to slowly walk my way back into your life and i am terrified but even the thought of you aids my battle of existence. perhaps this is where the trouble lies is that i have allowed myself to get to this point in such a time, and time will cure and heal or wound and abandon me.

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